


Tell me what I must do

by BookshopLaura



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Magic Revealed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-02
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-10 23:56:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookshopLaura/pseuds/BookshopLaura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur knows Merlin's secret. But whose there to tell him to forgive Merlin, when Merlin is his conscience?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell me what I must do

Arthur is stuck in a rut. He caught Merlin using magic two days ago. And he was angry. Really angry. And he still is angry. But he doesn't know what to do. He needs someone to talk to, someone to advise him, to guide him. That voice of reason telling him to do what he knows is right. But there's the rub. That voice is Merlin. That anchor is Merlin, that guiding light, although he'd never tell him that to his face. 

It would be a lot easier if Merlin were to be really Merlin, he thinks. The Merlin he's always been before, waltzing into his chambers, his life and cutting through the confusion. Merlin who could never see the difference between a peasant and a king, until Arthur was beginning to have the same problem. Merlin whose compassion and heart have always made Arthur ashamed of who he has been. Merlin whose look of belief and trust in Arthur has spurred him to be a better man. And he knows that, at least he thinks he knows that. 

In his mind he plays and replays their time together, how Merlin has advised and guided. It's been lies, so much. But Merlin's never seemed to gain from it, never seemed to even try. Drinking poison to save Arthur, throwing himself in front of all manner of creature for Arthur. It doesn't take a day before he's beginning to forgive Merlin. But he's rubbish at showing it, unwilling to let go of his anger. And Merlin's uncharacteristically meek behaviour isn't helping. He doesn't challenge Arthur on anything, when Arthur shouts and stomps, or throws objects in his general direction (Never aiming for him, not really. Anything that gets near is either a miscalculated throw or something soft. He may be angry, but he's not cruel). No disapproving glares or "Right, what is it? Out with it!" when he tries the silent treatment. And it's really scaring Arthur. He can't apologise to Merlin, Merlin has wronged him. But Merlin has apologised, keeps apologising, and it's not helping. Their relationship has always been like a wrestling match, or a tug of war. Merlin pushing back, wrestling with Arthur. But now it's like the rope's gone slack and he's fallen on his arse. Or he's wrestling with a dead body. He doesn't like it, so he does they only thing he knows how. He pushes Merlin more. Because that's what makes Merlin push back against him, that's what brings out the fight in Merlin. But it isn't. It's making him withdraw more. It's like there's someone screaming constantly in Arthur's head, and it gets louder every time he sees that kicked puppy look on Merlin. 

Merlin is tidying up after Arthur's dinner. Arthur watches him like a hawk. Merlin is pale, his hands shaking slightly. He can't look Arthur straight in the eye. And he's silent. Arthur hates that he's silent. His anger rises again, his nostrils flaring. He grabs the goblet he hasn't quite finished and throws it so it clangs against the far wall. Merlin jumps, dropping his plates and what's left of the food all over the floor. 

"Leave it!" shouts Arthur, as Merlin goes to pick up the food and plates.

"I said leave it! Tell me I was wrong to throw the cup!" Merlin is looking at him fearfully, uncertainly. 

"Tell me I shouldn't have thrown the cup!" 

"You were angry..." says Merlin eyes wide.

"That was never an excuse before!" shouts Arthur. 

"What?"

"You never let my anger excuse me before!" shouts Arthur, anger being replaced by upset. Merlin's looking at him, searching for something. 

"I've never let you down like this before" says Merlin, quietly. 

"... you think you deserve this treatment?" asks Arthur stilling, kneeling down in the gravy from his plate and not caring. 

"I know I do, you know I do! You can't forgive me! I've failed, I ruined everything" says Merlin almost crying, burying his hands in his palms. It's like he's in the quiet of the storm, and suddenly there's some sense. A little. Because this is the Merlin he knows, it's the sort of thing that man would think. He's nearly crying himself with how he's been acting, because it hasn't been riling Merlin up, it's been punishing him.

"Tell me to stop being such a dollop head" says Arthur firmly but quietly.

"What?" 

"Tell me that you're my best friend and I should judge you by what you've done for me. Tell me to buck up my ideas, tell me to accept your apology and move on! Tell me! Tell me that Merlin! Because I don't know what to do! You're always here to listen and now you're not. But I think... I think that's what you might say, if it were one of the knights. I need to hear you say it, please!" Merlin is looking up at him. And there's a strange look in his eyes, it's hope. It's almost a smile. He tackles Arthur with a hug, that Arthur is too relieved to think about refusing. After a few moments Merlin pulls away, face full of emotion as he whacks Arthur hard on the arm.

"Ooowww! Merlin!" complains Arthur, looking down at his arm and frowning.

"Stop being such a dollop head!" shouts Merlin, crying tears of relief as he does.


End file.
